A 30-something's lovingly sarcastic journey through all of Sweet Valley High, and then some (with lots of swears)

#2 Secrets

Special Note: Thanks to LEAH for swapping me a few new copies of the re-issued SVH series (YAY!!!) for some old SVH books! Also, if anyone has a SVH or SV-related blog that I haven’t already linked to on the right … please let me know the details so I can post yours, too! I love reading the writing of fellow SV lovers! 🙂

On to the book…
It’s the one in which we will learn the TRUTH about that nerdy Enid Rollins! You might recall in the last book that Enid kept hinting to Elizabeth that she knew a thing or two about drinking and slutting around! Here it comes!

The Cover: This was one of my favorites as a kid. Check out Elizabeth’s perfectly shocked expression. Doesn’t she look like 30-something mom angry at something her kid did in this picture? Or a schoolteacher? Jess is hilarious with her mischievous face and pastel pink, perfectly 80s landline phone!

The Plot: Enid Rollins reveals to Elizabeth that her old druggie boyfriend, George Warren, has been writing letters to her from college. Yes, that’s right, I said old DRUGGIE boyfriend! See, about two years ago, Enid reacted to her parents’ divorce by becoming a wild party animal. It’s even implied that she had SEX (or, at least, she’s “not … pure”). The fun ended when she and George struck a little boy with George’s car while they were cruising around buzzing on speed. Enid cleaned up, and is desperate to keep this shameful secret from everyone at school. Because seeing the way they reacted to Elizabeth’s supposed one wild night in the last book, we already know what they’d have to say about Enid!

Now, George is clean and wants to see her, but Enid is scared her dickish boyfriend Ronnie Edwards, whom she’s been dating for a couple of months, will find out and dump her. She loves Ronnie for some reason that I can’t figure out. He sounds like an ass. Enid shows Elizabeth the letters, and dumbly drops one under Liz’s bed, where Jessica finds it. Jessica sees Enid as her only real competition for queen of the Fall Ball (Enid Rollins? Really Jess?), and so she makes a copy of the letter and sticks it in Ronnie’s locker, knowing that Ronnie will now make sure nobody votes for Enid. Especially since this letter just happens to be the one which details everything in Enid’s past. Ronnie reacts to the letter by getting rough with Enid in his car and yelling that he knows she’s not as “pure” as she pretends! Enid is devastated to lose the love of this upstanding young man.

Enid blames mild-mannered, dependable old Liz for letting the secret out, and of course Jessica helps her keep this notion. So Ronnie takes Jessica to the ball after she basically throws herself at him at one of Lila Fowler’s wine and cheese parties, which helps cement her win as Queen. Hysterical. But sexy clean Sweet Valley College boy George Warren saves the day by showing up to take Enid to the ball, and they fall in love instantly. Ooooo. Enid and Liz make up, but Liz is too wimpy to let her sister have it and tell Enid who really spilled the secret. Instead, Liz gets back at Jessica by getting everyone to vote for Winston as Fall King instead of Jessica’s beloved Bruce Patman, whom she’s been lusting after at least since her freshman year. (Winston, by the way, is supposed to be super good friends with George or something.) Liz spreads rumors that Jessica is crushing on Winston. Everyone thinks that’s adorable, so clearly Winston isn’t as big of a nerd as Jessica keeps acting like he is. Liz also forces Jessica to kiss Winston in front of everyone by threatening to tell everyone what Jessica did to Enid if she doesn’t. But wait! You mean to tell me that would be worse than Enid’s slatternly behavior at this school? But Jessica moans and cries because Bruce Patman isn’t the king and is waltzing around with some 19-year-old … gross. WAAAAAAH Jessica. Cry me a fucking river!

The Sub-plot: Lila is mad that her fledgling relationship with high school football hero Ken Matthews is in danger because he has a crush on French teacher Ms. Dalton. Even worse, Ms. Dalton is dating Lila’s father! So Lila spreads a rumor that Ken and Ms. Dalton are doing it. Ms. Dalton reacts by ceasing to teach for a while … why is it that pretty much every woman/girl in this book is a total wimp for the most part? Don’t worry, the truth comes out so Ms. Dalton doesn’t have to stand up for herself or anything. She returns to school and Ken ditches Lila.

WTF? Why is it that virginity is like a precious diamond for women to hang on to at this school? AND, apparently, once you’ve had sex that gives every dude license to treat you like you’re walking around with a giant “ASKING FOR IT” sign. Enid’s not pure, so Ronnie can stop being “gentle” now! Wonderful!

-I guess this is just 80s slang, but someone who doesn’t drink or do any drugs is called “straight”… as in, “George was totally straight now.” HAHAHA

-In case you care, Enid has a little brother who never shows up, and I think Winston says he has a brother also, who also never shows up.

In the Back of the Book: An ad for the Sweet Dreams romances, among other things! I remember I tried to read those, but they bored me.

Coming up next… Jessica finally lands that smug tool, Bruce Patman!


Comments on: "#2 Secrets" (5)

  1. I am bored and will probably spend an hour going through your reviews. They are hilarious and when I look back on my love of SV, I can definitely see the times have changed! I love it.LOL

  2. I would probably bang Bruce Patman. #realtalk

  3. It probably shouldn’t surprise me, but why the fuck can Todd see that Jessica was the one that ruined Enid’s relationship, but when he says it, Liz starts going on about how Jess, who just two months ago made up a bunch of bullshit lies and did everything she could to keep Liz and Todd apart, COULDN’T POSSIBLY have gone into Liz’s room, taken the letter, and given it to Ronnie. No freaking way, Jess just couldn’t possibly have done that. I swear, why is Liz such a dumb bitch?

  4. Hey
    Can someone read the chapters and record?
    Please if you got the audios or Sweet Valley Kids/Twins send them to msoofloo@yahoo.com
    Thanks a zillion
    Mehdi Sufi

  5. I never understood how the accident was a secret. If a couple of wasted high school kids mowed down a toddler, wouldn’t it have made the news? Especially in Sweet Valley, where nothing ever happens?

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