A 30-something's lovingly sarcastic journey through all of Sweet Valley High, and then some (with lots of swears)

#18 Head Over Heels

Oh, lord! This one was one of the least exciting of all. Let’s hurry and get it over with. So, Bruce and Regina got together in the last book, and are now a full-fledged couple. She is only a sophomore, so of course everyone is afraid Bruce will break her heart, just like everyone else’s. Or maybe she’s a junior — I’m fairly certain a future book, or perhaps this one, readjusts what class she is in.

Lila and Jessica, who both dated Bruce in the past, are sure Bruce can’t be for real about Regina. Jessica is still traumatized by her brief relationship with Bruce, but I don’t think we are going to hear another mention of Lila dating him for quite some time. The two little witches make a bet on when B will dump R, and the loser has to write the winner’s term paper. Lila thinks their love is for real; Jess is sure it can’t be since Bruce never truly loved HER, after all, and clearly she is the most irresistable chick in school.

Now, in the meantime Regina learns about a new treatment that could restore her hearing. Her family is all about it because her mother feels guilty for destroying her daughter’s hearing with diet pills when Regina was still a little fetus. Yes, she took diet pills while pregnant in order to look better as a model … yikes. But regardless of how much Regina’s family pleads, Regina refuses to get this treatment because it would mean she’d have to go to Switzerland for a year and be away from Bruce the whole time. Regina doesn’t tell Bruce about the treatment, and meanwhile, Bruce doesn’t tell Regina that he’s running for Centennial Committee president against Ken Matthews. Do you smell a convenient set-up for a Wakefield scheme?

Let’s make a long story short. Jessica wins her bet with Li by successfully breaking the happy couple up herself. She tells Regina about Bruce’s run, and that he’s deliberately not telling her because he’s just using her to make him look good so he can win. (Why wouldn’t he tell her anyway? How would she think he was using her if he told her he was going to run? That’s really stupid.) Regina cries, throws a bracelet Bruce gave her at him, and confuses the shit out of him because, like most people in this book, she won’t tell him the real reason for her anger. She rushes home and makes plans to leave for Switzerland immediately. Jessica crows over her victory, and Lila is stuck writing her paper, which she deliberately fucks up. Jessica gets a low grade while Lila gets a B-something. Hilarious!

Of course, it doesn’t stop here. Liz, who’s in charge (of course!) of some dumb upcoming school festival, steps in to save the day. She tells Bruce about the treatment and explains what happened to him. Bruce writes his “darling” Regina a letter explaining that he hid his plans from her to surprise her when he won. He further states that she must get the treatments and he will wait for her. I have my doubts about that one, but anyway. Liz goes to see Regina and hides the letter in her carry-on so she won’t see it until it’s too late to change her mind about Switzerland. And … all is well. That’s the beauty of true love.

There isn’t much of a subplot. There’s a bit about the Patmans and the Fowlers battling to see who can donate the most, but at the end only 800 dollars is raised … that’s it? El cheapos! And of course we have the storyline leading up to the next book in which Lila meets a hot, mysteriously well-dressed construction worker named Jack, whom she is afraid to introduce to anybody because he’s all blue collar, you see.

Now for my WTFs: For starters, I don’t like the way they treat deaf people in this book, like they are something to be pitied, but at least it’s a learning experience for the kids, I guess. Also, many of the deaf people I have met did not view being deaf as a “handicap.” They saw it as just an attribute of theirs and enjoyed the bond they shared with other deaf people. They did not in any way feel something was “wrong” with them. I would like to get a deaf person’s opinion of this book.
-Regina has never kissed a boy before Bruce.
-Ken Matthews is extremely pissed and bitter about Bruce running against him.
-Bruce actually wins despite his previous dick status!
-Liz saves the day… I don’t get this. Bruce is an ass who is at least an attempted rapist. Yet here’s Liz forgiving him after he traumatized her, and seeing him as sensitive.
-A random side character named Donald Essex appears to convince Regina to give the treatment a try. Jessica flirts with him and then there’s some stupid mix-up where Donald then sees Liz and thinks she’s Jessica and Todd gets all jealous. I’m pretty sure we never hear from him again. Maybe Todd had something to do with this? Hahaha.
-Lila says her father thinks gambling and betting money is “vulgar”.
-Regina’s mom’s name is Skye; reminds me of model Ione Skye.
-Bruce and Regina’s makeout sessions are sickening.
-Bruce’s mom is an ass to Regina and yells at her even though Bruce has already told her she can lipread … what a bitch!
-Liz and Todd snark at each other and it’s the same old boring shit from before … yawwwwwn.

The cover is interesting. Bruce actually looks slightly younger than his SVH#3 cover (about 28 or 30 this time), and definitely less rapey. Regina is cute and I actually dig her dress. Is that the same purple dress that Lila was ragging on in an earlier book?

The back of the book has a letter from Francine about her new trilogy, Caitlin, and an excerpt of the first book. Caitlin is a rich, popular snob who is determined to win the heart of Jed Michaels and … snnnooork, oops, I fell asleep on it!

Next up: Thank god, something more interesting. Lila and Jessica fight over Jack.

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Comments on: "#18 Head Over Heels" (4)

  1. Here’s another WTF for you – While certain sleeping pills can be damaging to one’s hearing, sleeping pills are strictly forbidden for pregnant women because they can KILL THE FETUS!!! Was this yet another a case of the ghost writer not doing proper medical research? Or was Regina really an unwanted baby?

  2. Back then, and hell even now, do you really think every woman actually cared about the kid in her body? A lot of those women knew those pills could harm the baby and they did it anyway. And a lot of them were told by their handlers or friends and/or convinced themselves that it was not really that bad even though doctors gave out the warnings in very explicit terms. I’ve seen many of women do the exact same thing as Mrs. Morrow.

    Bottom line is that some people just don’t give a fuck and it’s all about them, even when a life is being developed in their body.

  3. as you said you wanted a comment from a deaf person…..I’m deaf and I don’t like how they talked about them. We are not dumb and we are just same ahearing ple. We just can’t hear….. And it’s ricliousthat people pited Regina…..

  4. I like how Regina tells Liz that she and Bruce talk on the phone for hours…..um, how??

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