A 30-something's lovingly sarcastic journey through all of Sweet Valley High, and then some (with lots of swears)

#20 Crash Landing!

I read this book as a kid. In fact, I think it was one of the first ones I read.
The cover pisses me off because A) Enid’s hair is ugly B) Liz has a mustache and C) THAT SCENE NEVER HAPPENS. I dig Enid’s shirt though. I’m being serious.
Well, let’s get on with it. Supposedly super sexy Sweet Valley College student George is about to tell Enid he doesn’t love her anymore and is banging yet another high school chick behind her back. Given that all the SVC students seem to love scoring with the SVH juniors, I guess that isn’t really so strange. Anyway. Before George can tell Enid the bad news — Robin’s already broken up with Allen Walters — he wrecks the plane in Secca Lake, a favorite Sweet Valley hangout. A lot of people see the crash and are properly horrified, even though it’s just Enid and no one really likes her. Okay, that was mean of me. Enid falls and hurts her spine while trying to save George from the sinking plane and is paralyzed temporarily from the waist down. She has surgery to try to fix it, but by then she has figured out that George and Robin are in love when she sees them dancing at the latest big SVH dance, and so she deliberately doesn’t get better so that George will feel obligated to take care of her. Yes, she has actually has some kind of psychological block that keeps her from walking, even though physically she should be able to. Liz talks to Enid’s doctor and figures it out, and she hatches a crackpot plan to make Enid walk again, which involves having Mr. Collins’s son Teddy pretend to drown in the Wakefield pool when only Enid is around to save him. Man, that is fucked up. Also, Mr. Collins just lends Liz his kid without even asking what is going on!
Meanwhile, the Pi Betas figure out that George has been cheating on Enid with Robyn, and whereas before Jessica fucking hated Enid, she now takes it upon herself to lead a snub campaign against Robin. I’m guessing this is really an excuse for payback for the events of Book 4. Robin reacts by eating like crazy and gains at least 15 pounds back which of course automatically makes her a big fatty *eye roll*
In the end, Enid forgives George and Robin and gives them her blessing to get back together, this time in the open. She is so apologetic for her behavior towards the pair of them, even though they were having an affair behind her back. What the fuck ever. Even worse, Liz is hailed as the ultimate hero for “saving” Enid and it makes me want to vomit all over the pages.
The subplot: Jessica and Lila take a cooking class together that they apparently signed up for before the Jack fiasco. Lila still isn’t talking to Jess, but they slowly patch it up. Jessica falls for Jean-Pierre Baptiste, their hot cooking instructor, and Lila eventually softens toward Jess (because she’s “too good a friend” …who tried to steal your fiance) while still thinking she is crazy for trying to ask Jean-Pierre to that week’s high school dance. Anyway, it turns out he is married to a redheaded lady named Lizbette (what?) anyway. I secretly think Lila deliberately let Jess get her just desserts with this one. Jess winds up going to the dance with Lila’s ex Ken Matthews anyway, so I guess she didn’t make out too badly, although she thinks Ken is boring! Lila goes with an SVC sophomore named Louis Scott, and Robin is stuck with some guy named Stan who knows her cousin or some shit.
Now, Jessica is a great cook who makes shit like exotic mustard in class. She decides to one-up Liz for their parents’ anniversary that year by making them an amazing dinner. Since Liz hasn’t even mentioned this anniversary, she assumes her sister forgot it this year and that this is her big opportunity to finally look like the caring, reliable, generous daughter. To prep for the big night, Jessica cooks the family a fabulous dinner of mussels. Everyone is already totally suspicious of the meal before she even serves it, and frankly acts like an ass that she is cooking for them. Unfortunately for Jess, she bought bad mussels. Apparently if the mussel shells don’t open when you steam them, they’re bad and you’re supposed to throw them out, but Jess doesn’t realize and so she just splits them open herself. The entire family gets ridiculously ill, and to top it off, Jess doesn’t get to redeem herself at the Wakefield anniversary because Liz DID remember and has already purchased the parents dinner theater tickets and man, is Jess pissed. Frankly, I would be also! WTF is Liz doing buying a present like that without even asking her sister if she wants to chip in? Also, what kind of allowance do these kids get?
(Am I a bad person because I have never done anything for my parents’ anniversary other than said, “Happy Anniversary”?)
WTF? Liz blushes when she finds Ms. Dalton at Mr. Collins’s house. I guess the implication that someone in this town is having sex is too much for her.
In the back of the book is the same Caitlin preview that was in the last!
Next up, we’ll see Jessica teach the Wakefields to fuck with her!

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Comments on: "#20 Crash Landing!" (1)

  1. i wanna read this one do u have a pdf or something? lol

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