A 30-something's lovingly sarcastic journey through all of Sweet Valley High, and then some (with lots of swears)

The temporary cover for SVC

I’ve read the first chapter of Sweet Valley Confidential, and I am slightly let down. I say “slightly” because a) come on, it’s a Sweet Valley book, what did I expect? and b) it’s one chapter, and I can’t judge a whole book on one chapter. So here is my review of that one chapter. If you haven’t read the chapter yet yourself, head over to Sweet Valley: Ten Years Later and sign up for Sweet Valley Confidential updates to have the chapter automatically emailed to you. And if you don’t want to spoil it for yourself, do not read the rest of this post.

Let’s get on this.

The basics: It’s 10 years after the last SVH book, and Liz is one sad sap. She’s 27 and living in New York City in a shabby apartment. I’m not going to lie to you, I chuckled to myself seeing that she isn’t a rich and famous journalist like she always probably assumed she would be. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Instead, Liz reviews off-Broadway shows for a struggling weekly publication called Show Survey. It is run by two dudes named David Stephenson and Don Barren. The book opens with her letting David into her apartment just as Jessica calls from California. Liz won’t pick up the phone. David keeps making nosy comments about it but has the good sense to look embarrassed about his nosiness. I guess that’s something.

Liz serves David wine and contemplates sleeping with him. He is attracted to her, so it would be easy, but she has rules about not sleeping with the boss. She thinks about how she worked for Sweet Valley News for four years and it never happened there, but that’s because she was with Todd the whole time.

Liz and Jessica had some kind of falling-out eight months ago that caused Liz to flee to New York right around her 27th birthday. She miraculously found a job two days after abruptly moving there. She also mentions something about a guy’s “deceit and betrayal” that may have lasted “years” for all she knew. Okay, so we can already see what happened right? Liz probably found out that Jessica was making out with/doing it with/trying to steal Todd. Wow, it’s never too late to rehash another tired old plot.

Through Liz’s thoughts, we learn that Bruce Patman is her best friend, and he’s somehow changed in a good way. Riiiight, that’s what we thought with the whole Regina thing, too. Did old Brucie ever tell you he was sorry for trying to rape you that one time, Liz?

So Liz doesn’t sleep with David and she sends him on his way. In the meantime, we get some very cheesy nonsense in the form of Liz listening to Beyonce and Justin Timberlake songs and feeling sad about it. Why, “Summer Love” almost makes her cry! HAHAHA! Even though she’s fled Sweet Valley, Liz still wears an oversized Sweet Valley T-shirt to bed. Not an SVU shirt, just an … SV shirt? What? They make those?

We learn Liz was sleeping with a dude named Russ Klein here in NYC for a brief period of time, but he didn’t like the emotions she was bringing to the table, probably because “she cried after every orgasm.” So he drifted away, and she hasn’t done it with anyone else since she moved to the Big Apple. Oh waaaah.

Oh, and Liz is now 5’7″ tall, not 5’6. What the fuck is up with that?

My thoughts: I hope the whole book doesn’t revolve around Liz like this. She’s boring. But the chapter did interest me because we got more description of sex than I was used to reading in an SV book. Since it’s supposed to be an adult novel, that makes sense – and I’m glad they didn’t try to be all euphemistic about it. The words “sex” and “orgasm” are used. Thank you for that, Francine.

The chapter wasn’t all that, but I am still left salivating for more! One thing I wonder is: Do I also need to read the SVH:SY, SVU, and Elizabeth series to catch up and understand what goes on in Sweet Valley Confidential?


Comments on: "Sweet Valley Confidential Chapter 1 Preview" (8)

  1. I really hate we are constantly reminded of how stunning and beautiful the twins they are ALL THE TIME. WE GET IT! Lol
    I dunno- the chapter read like an SVU book….Jessica had shagged in the earlier books and Lis finally lost it in London… that’s the only hint at it being a more adult novel.

    I’m really looking forward to reading it. I hope I dont hate Lis and Jessica…. I hope Lila is in there.

  2. I don’t think you need to read elisabeth or SVU, becuase it says 10 years later, but if she is just 27 then that is 10 years after SVH, they were older in the other two.

  3. Its a small book isn’t it … Wonder if this is the start of the ‘elder years ‘ lol

  4. I just read the preview chapter yesterday. This might be stupid, but the thing that stood out most to me was Liz thinking about how gross it was that when she and David went to dinner she somehow got stuck with the tip. Never mind that the dinner thing was presented as just two co-workers going out to eat together because neither had eaten yet – not a date IN ANY WAY AT ALL. And yet, Liz is still put off by the fact that she had to shell out any money, presumably because her dinner partner happened to be a man. Or do you think she was making Enid pony up the cash all those times at the Dairi Burger? 🙂

    • Good point! And I would not be at all surprised if Enid paid for most of Liz’s meals at the Dairi Burger. It makes perfect sense if you think about it … Liz the Entitled, Enid the overly-eager to do her bidding …

  5. Its weird that she is friends with Bruce Patman. I’d like some back story of how that came about. Plus, mystery guy- who is it? Todd? Snore .

    • Me too. The thought of Liz and Bruce being friends actually makes me want to vomit a little. And if they are such good friends I wonder why he isn’t using his connections to help her get a much better writing job in NYC?

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