It’s All Happening at … Sweet Valley High (a 1983 Waldenbooks promotional booklet)

As I mentioned in my last post, I have something brand new-to-me for today’s review! This is courtesy of the fellow SVH fan behind the awesome SV nostalgia Instagram account @svthenandnow – view their March 20, 2020 post to see all of the screen captures if you’d like to read this little goody yourself.

*Drumroll* … straight outta Waldenbooks from 1983 ….

Screengrab from @svthenandnow on Instagram (the 1/10 mark is an Instagram slide marker)

I love everything about this, from the blue cover (does it match the twins’ eyes tho?) to the Waldenbooks logo. Speaking of Waldens, per @svthenandnow, this 8-page booklet was a special free publication of that beloved long-lost mall chain bookstore. I need to take a minute to pour one out for Waldens and my other lost love, Borders! (If you’re not familiar with those names, these stores went out of business and closed across the U.S. in 2011 after the parent company, also named Borders, went bankrupt. Yes, I am still in mourning. There’s nothing like a great brick-and-mortar bookstore, whether it’s a national chain or a small local business. And as small businesses especially can use our help these days (and always), let me take a minute to encourage you to lend them your support where you can. Commence the book-buying binges!)

The front cover is so fun, and I love the mention of the Sweet Dreams teen romance series! On the back cover, as I pointed out in my previous post, note that book #2 is called Love Secrets, not just Secrets. We know there have been other last minute title changes in the past, so I’m willing to bet that was in fact its original title and they just forgot to update it on the cover graphic.

The booklet opens with “Welcome to Sweet Valley High”, an introduction. The physical description of the twins is interesting – I’ll delve more into that in a little bit. We also get a description of each twin’s personality (you knew we would) including a long paragraph on how perfect Liz is (of course), then it talks about how Jessica regularly schemes to take advantage of her sister bla bla bla. There’s also mention of how Jessica is very possessive of Liz and is jealous of any of Liz’s friends who seem too close to her. I feel this trait of Jessica’s was dropped after the earliest books in favor of Jessica simply thinking Liz’s friends were too nerdy for her liking.

Next, the intro starts outlining the personality traits of other major characters such as Enid Rollins (“you might not even notice her …” – correct), Lila Fowler, and Bruce Patman, who apparently has “big blue eyes” … what? I had to go back and look at some Bruce cover art and I’m not seeing it. Does he really have blue eyes and I just forgot? I mean, it’s been a hot minute since I did a full book read-and-recap. There’s also some chatter about Mr. Collins, the Dairi Burger vs. the “dingy roadhouse” that only the bad kids go to, and the supposed “old money vs. new money” feud between the Patmans and the Fowlers, which really only seemed relevant in book 1. You know, that feud always sounded like an intriguing plot point to me but seemed like it got dropped faster than Bruce’s drawers at a sorority house. I swear to god I think there are many unpublished SVH stories out there! I like the description of the SV mall; we learn it has “lots of stores, a video arcade, two twin movie theaters, and a giant supermarket.” No mention of Casey’s.

Next we get brief synopses for the first six books. Book 2 is back to being called just Secrets again. The booklet also keeps calling book 2’s Fall Dance the “prom.” Is this another oversight or did they change it last minute? Then in the synopsis for book 3 (Playing with Fire), there’s a mention of a “homecoming dance” (by which I think they mean the dance-off in the beginning of that one). I don’t know if these are genuinely representative of changes or if it’s just someone at Waldenbooks had to whip this booklet up last minute and didn’t bother to fact check what they wrote, because they didn’t have a crystal ball to tell them that a grown woman would be sitting here documenting every little inconsistency on a thing called the internet a few decades later. The synopsis for book 4 just goes on and calls Robin Wilson “small, round” and “Butterball Robin Wilson” … yikes. I don’t know why I’m surprised given how badly Power Play treats the topic of weight (and I mean, the series in general).

Finally, we have an excerpt from Double Love, which is chapter 1. I won’t recap that whole thing but it opens with our classic introduction to Jessica, in which she makes a scene carrying on about how horribly ugly she thinks she is, insulting Elizabeth who is watching the spectacle, and continues through the end where Liz and Jessica prepare to find out if they made it into Pi Beta Alpha and Liz sadly thinks that Todd prefers Jessica over her. Now, there are some interesting changes in this excerpt vs. the final published version, not surprising since most likely this excerpt was taken from the review copy prior to the final edits. But whereas some of the edits are simple grammar & style changes, others are more notable. Here are the ones I found worth pointing out to fellow fans:

-We’re told the twins have “cameo skin”. Uh, so like the ivory profile of a cameo necklace? My copy of the finished book does not say that; it says “perfect skin” in that spot. I guess they realized that the twins might not be that pale with all the time they spend in the California sun. Of course, in later books their skin would be emphasized as a “peaches and cream complexion.”
-In the booklet, Jessica adds a complaint about her height that is not in the final book. “She lamented that she would probably have to spend her entire life being no more than five foot six.”
-Liz’s annoyed response to Jessica’s carrying on in the published book simply says: “Your figure’s terrible, your legs are chopsticks, your knees are bony, and on top of that, your face is all wrong. Right?” In the excerpt, it goes (changes bolded by me): “Your figure’s terrible, your legs are chopsticks, your knees are bony, your face is the wrong shape, your hair’s dull, and your eyes are blah. And on top of all that, you’re practically a midget. Right?” I would say they probably changed this since “midget” can be considered a pejorative, but I think that might be too much credit for 1983.
-The paragraph about Jessica’s not wearing a watch has an extra sentence in the published book: “And if she was late, let ’em wait.” Glad they added that – it sums up Jessica’s selfish attitude perfectly.
-The paragraph about a previous conversation Liz had with Todd changed from Liz “hoping he wouldn’t notice the way her cheeks were flaming” to “hoping he wouldn’t notice how nervous he made her.” I prefer the original.
-In the excerpt, when Liz agrees to let Jessica borrow her infamous tuxedo outfit, Jessica gleefully “planted a noisy kiss on the top of her sister’s head.” In the published book, she simply “headed for her sister’s closet” instead.
-In a scene where Jessica completes a Pi Beta pledge task by having a pizza delivered to Mr. Russo’s class in Liz’s name, the class looks at Liz with shock. In the excerpt, they’re surprised because Liz is “the brain, the serious twin” whereas in the final it becomes “the level-headed, serious twin.” Hah! They didn’t want to make her sound too nerdy I guess.

The booklet ends with a note to look out for the first book on its release date of September 15, 1983, although it’s touted on the cover as debuting in October. Close enough, sure.

If you’re curious about those PBA pledge tasks, since I don’t think I documented them in my original recap (honestly, because when I was younger I thought all the details I love to nerd out over, would bore people and nobody would read my blog, LOL):

1. As I mentioned before, Jessica orders a pizza to Mr. Russo’s chemistry class and embarrasses Liz by having it put in her name. Maybe this was inspired by 1982’s Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Liz explains it away by saying the class wanted to see how much heat the pizza would lose on its way from the pizza parlor to the classroom. Mr. Russo actually buys it, most likely just because it’s Liz.
2. The pledges have a singing telegram sent to Principal “Chrome Dome” Cooper’s office. (By the way, I’ve always assumed Principal Cooper’s character was inspired by Archie Comics’ legendary Principal Weatherbee.)
3. The pledges dye the mashed potatoes in the cafeteria purple, grossing everyone out because I guess they don’t realize there are in fact purple potatoes (and they are delicious), not that this is particularly common knowledge.

Some other choice quotes from the excerpt:

“This sounds like a job for my new tuxedo shirt.” Liz, in response to Jessica whining she has nothing to wear for their all-important PBA induction day.

“A wicked gleam of mischief lurked in the aqua-marine depths of Jessica’s eyes, while Liz’s reflected only sincerity.” I immediately thought of Linus in It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown: “Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.” Hah! That’s what y’all think. Just give Liz a little while.

After Liz makes Jessica promise to have her outfit cleaned and back in her closet by the weekend:
Jessica: “On my honor.”
Liz: “I’m doomed.” You’re damn right you are, it’s amazing you’re still alive 100+ books later with a sister like this, Liz!

Speaking of doom, coming up next, we’ll see if the twins survive Death Valley or wherever it is they’re going in the next miniseries! Till then, as Heather Mallone would say, toodles!

More vintage Sweet Valley ads and photos

I’m back with another batch of vintage Sweet Valley High magazine ads and photos! Let’s see what we’ve got!

You may remember in my last post about stuff like this that there was a “great twin search” launched in the late 80s, in which series creator Francine Pascal and her daughter Jamie sought a pair of actresses to represent Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield, for what was originally envisioned as a TV movie. Eventually, the “movie” was launched as a 1990s TV series starring Brittany and Cynthia Daniel. There was a photo I shared from the July 1988 issue of ‘TEEN magazine showing Jamie interviewing a potential set of Wakefield twins, where you could plainly see some kind of Sweet Valley artwork with a whole ensemble of characters on the back wall. The artwork image was too distant / blurry to make it out, and I desperately wanted to know what it looked like up close. Here’s that photo and blurb again:

Desperately seeking the Wakefield twins!

Because awesome reader F. Musa sent me a tip, I’ve got a great close-up, black-and-white view of that very artwork from the FANTASTIC svthenandnow account on Instagram! Here it is in all its glory … AHHHH, I love it!

The gang’s all here! …. Oh wait …

I love that we have new (well, new-to-me) portraits of characters we’ve seen many times, and they’re all grouped together! svthenandnow gives the year for this art as 1983, which makes sense when you see the outfits featured. Man, this would have made an awesome book cover. Our twins, of course, are front and center. Jessica is dressed in the same outfit she had on for Double Love, and Liz has those damn barrettes on again. I’m thinking that might be Liz’s Too Good to Be True outfit. In the middle row, we have Bruce Patman (with the same outfit from Playing with Fire), Courteney Cox Annie Whitman (looks like the tank top from Wrong Kind of Girl, but hard to tell in black-and-white), and our girl Lila Fowler looking like, well, like Lila would, haha. Nice pearls, Lila! Annie looks like she’s pissed to be stuck behind her tormentor Jessica and is considering just pushing her ass over. In the back row, there’s Tricia Martin (RIP), Todd Wilkins (in the same polo shirt and windblown hair from Dangerous Love, I assume), and Bill Chase peepin’ at you from the way back. LOL at Bill’s come-hither look! They really gave us new expressions for everybody here, even if only slightly … except for Tricia, who looks pretty much exactly as she does on the cover of When Love Dies. In fact it kind of seems like they just jammed Tricia’s existing portrait in there as an afterthought (after reversing it first). Oh yeah, and where’s Enid? Hahaha, I love that she’s Liz’s best bud but literally nobody cares about her. Or maybe they just got her mixed up with Tricia, LOL! (More likely, they didn’t have cover art for Enid yet since we didn’t see her until book 26, because again, nobody cares about Enid.) I would be asking where Winston Egbert is, but we already know they don’t think Winston merits any painting at all, unless it’s for the SVH board game!

Speaking of that twin search, since that July 1988 copy referenced a previous issue having announced the search, I also got a copy of that mag. From the March 1988 ‘TEEN:

Haha, I love that they made sure to clarify they want real twins, not “lookalike” friends, and they don’t want boys sending in any photos.

Also in that same issue, an ad for some SVH merchandise:

I’m ready to rock that sweatshirt myself, maybe with a cool pair of barrettes.

Remember the Sweet Valley High Slam Book tie-in to Slam Book Fever? (If you don’t, here’s my review of it.) Here’s an ad for it from the October 1988 ‘TEEN magazine:

Hehe, I like the way the ad makes slam books sound all positive and like innocent fun, while Slam Book Fever made slam books sound like they came out of Satan’s personal library.

Lastly, I want to share something with you that I had no idea even existed until very recently … once again, thanks to the svthenandnow Instagram, here’s a preview of my next SVH review …

OMFUG I need this

Holy shit! I had never seen this in my life! This is an 8-page free booklet that previewed the Sweet Valley High series and characters and also contained an excerpt from Double Love. (Please ignore the Insta dots and arrows on my screengrab, lol) When I saw this with the freakin’ Waldenbooks logo – my PLACE TO BE as a kid, okay – I just about keeled over. And check out the back cover – they’re calling book #2 Secrets, Love Secrets! That’s a hell of an editing error, if that’s what it is. I’m inclined to think they changed the title last minute and forgot to update the back cover of this booklet before going to print. (On the inside of the booklet, they do call it Secrets.) And if that’s the case, then hat’s the latest pre-publication title change I’ve become aware of. If you want to read the booklet in full, there are page scans on svthenandnow. (See the March 20, 2020 post.) You should definitely browse through this account regardless if you want a serious nostalgic smile – there are so many great old ads, articles, interviews, and promotional items for multiple Sweet Valley series over the decades, as well as the TV show!

As always, stay tuned for more stuff like this, including my soon-to-be-posted review of this little booklet!

YESSSS: Original Sweet Valley cover model photos, James Mathewuse sketches, and correspondence!

This is officially my favorite review ever, before I even start it. And this post has been a long time coming. (Not least because I really dislike working with the “new”(ish) WordPress block editor thing.)

Are y’all ready for this? You are so not ready for this! (unless you already knew, lol) This is the type of shit I have been hoping to find for EONS!

Thanks to the Double Love Sweet Valley High podcast (which is awesome by the way), I caught wind of a fairly recent discovery – some of the original cover modeling photographs used to design and create the Sweet Valley High cover art! And let me tell you … they are even cooler than I could’ve imagined. Not only do these provide the amazing behind-the-scenes details I crave, but they also testify to just how incredible of an artist original SVH cover artist James Mathewuse is.

Here’s the story of how these came to see the light of day: Buenos Aires-based artist (and fellow Sweet Valley fan) Victoria Colmegna started writing to our beloved James, and they struck up a friendship. James sent Victoria many of his Sweet Valley reference materials, and she incorporated them into her art.

On Double Love’s Instagram, podcast hosts Karyn and Anna are sharing some zoomed-in, close-up detail of some of these photos! I mean, I’m having Christmas in February over here! Are you ready? The following screen grabs are all from Double Love’s Insta. Let’s start off with one of the earliest …

#2 Secrets

The final cover art …

Since model Jonna Leigh Stack is only one person and could not be cloned, these shots had to be set up with a stand-in for the other twin. I am laughing at the droll expression on the Jessica stand-in compared to the final painting. “Yeah hang on Lila, this bitch over my shoulder has a problem or something.” Also, cool jacket and pin! And, please take note of the REAL-LIFE LAVALIER on “Liz”! AAAAH!

Now Jonna plays Jess, while the stand-in, who now looks slightly amused, changes over to playing Liz.

Here are the two images stuck together to make the full cover! It’s magic!

#5 All Night Long

Cover art of Jessica and porn star Scott

Reference photo! Scott looks so different! Not a clue who he is in real life but he looks … oddly familiar. Maybe just ’cause I’m getting a Matthew McConaughey “alright alright alright” vibe. Jonna’s hair is partially pulled back and she’s doing the classic Jessica smirk. Plus, she’s actually wearing the blue shirt that wound up over her shoulder in the final. I’m really intrigued by all that equipment surrounding them. This photo has a serious spontaneous vibe to it.

#6 Dangerous Love

Take a good look at this art, especially the motorcycle …

…because THIS is what Todd’s Yamaha really looks like!

Dude, this is pure GOLD. Look at that freaking “motorcycle”! Oh my god, this is hilarious and creative. Never in a million years would I have guessed this is how the reference photo was put together. I guess this was a lot cheaper and less time-consuming than having to rent an actual motorcycle.

#8 Heart Breaker

Jessica and Bill on the cover

Jonna clearly cracking up at Bill’s HILARIOUSLY misspelled “Sweet Valely Surf Club” shirt!
PS That bikini is totally rad. I want one!

By the way, at least one of my readers thinks this model is a young William Zabka (who played Johnny Lawrence in 1984’s The Karate Kid). I certainly see the resemblance. What do you think?

#18 Head Over Heels / #59 In Love Again

Okay, this one is interesting for a whole other reason. As Double Love noted on their Insta, the following photo appears to be a mash-up of Head Over Heels and In Love Again – with those two titles being years apart. What’s up with that? Take a look, starting with the cover art for each:

Head Over Heels (April 1985) final cover art by Mathewuse. I love the totally 80s graphics that Double Love added! Take special note of Regina’s dress.

Cover art for In Love Again (October 1989). Same dress, different color!

And here’s the reference photo in question … with Todd and Regina (RIP) in the In Love Again pose!

So … what’s going on here? Here is my best guess. Book 18 (HoH) came out four and a half years before book 59. I don’t know how far in advance they planned these cover shoots, but it seems doubtful they would already have #59 set in stone at the same time they were putting together the shoots for #18. I think what happened is the model who previously posed as Bruce wasn’t available the day they were doing the shoot for #18. So, they just substituted the model for Todd so Mathewuse would have a figure/pose to reference for his Head Over Heels painting, then Mathewuse just substituted Todd’s face with Bruce’s in his art, using a previous shot of the model for Bruce. When the time came to get the cover done for #59, the models in question had probably long since moved on. So, Mathewuse was likely instructed to design the cover art a certain way and then he referenced older photos he already had to do so. The above photo was probably pretty convenient for creating In Love Again – since he didn’t use this exact pose to create Head Over Heels, all he had to do was paint it with Jonna’s face vs. the Regina model’s, then change the dress color.

This next one has zero mystery around it …

#26 Crash Landing!

The final cover art, featuring Liz and Enid acting all dramatic …

The reference shot! Man, that’s pretty exact! Except for Enid’s hair length.

Super Edition #3 Spring Break

Original cover art … with this blown up like that, Liz and Jessica’s expressions are even funnier!

Fresh from Double Love’s Insta, here’s the zoomed-in reference shot of Jonna as Jess! Notice her hair was still pulled back Liz style.

Are these fantastic or what? BUT WAIT! There’s more! A lot more! Here are links to all of the Colmegna art/collages I could find that feature these and other Sweet Valley goodies. Check them out to see incredible archival photographs (modeling photos), sketches, correspondence and more – from Sweet Valley High as well as the Sweet Valley Twins and The Unicorn Club series! There are also portraits of Colmegna & friends from various stages of her life that she commissioned Mathewuse to paint, which look great. Jimmy has still got it!

Here is a collage on Victoria Colmegna’s website,“Graduazzione”, featuring some Sweet Valley High and Twins reference sketches for the covers by James, complete with a commissioned portrait of Victoria by James. The referenced titles are listed below the photo of the artwork (including the one for her portrait!).
2018 exhibition at Park View, Los Angeles, California: Check out this link to read more about Victoria and her art. There are also four SV collages in the photos at this link, which you can zoom in on and really get a good look. The reference photos include way more Secrets, Crash Landing! and Heart Breaker shots. The Crash Landing! ones include one where I swear to god Jonna is laughing. Also loads of sketches – I’m 100 percent fangirling out over The Carnival Ghost one, from Sweet Valley Twins – AND AND AND! You can spy a letter to Mathewuse from Daniel Weiss Associates, Inc. in one, with instructions on how the art for Bruce’s Story should look! I’ll let you know now that it reminds Mathewuse that Bruce is “the richest, snobbiest boy at Sweet Valley, also one of the most obnoxious.” I’m dying over here, lol. Bonus! Can you find the little photo of Jonna posing as Liz for the cover of Spring Break peeking out in one of the collages, with the guidebook and the uh, curious outfit?
MORE! From a 2019 exhibition in Zurich: Here you’ll see lots more sketches, photos of Jonna posing as Liz for the Malibu Summer cover in the famous striped swimsuit, and a close-up color photo of Jonna as Jessica for Power Play. You’ll also find some typed correspondence around the art for Pretenses featuring Cara and Steven, although they only referred to it as “book #44” at the time.
We’re not done! Check out this article for more on Victoria and scroll to the bottom to see yet another collage! You’ll get a more close-up view of some of the Malibu Summer shots as well as the aforementioned modeling shot of Jonna as Jess for the cover of Spring Break. There’s also correspondence around the cover for #38 (Leaving Home); apparently the original photograph and/or sketch had Liz frowning!
From La Maison de Rendez-vous in Brussels, with a much more recent exhibit (it closed last month), you’ll find some similar images but also some absolute GOLD shots of Jonna posing as a sad Jessica for the cover of Runaway. Until I saw these photos, I didn’t know Jessica was wearing booty shorts when she ran away. There are also more pics from Crash Landing!, All Night Long, and the mysterious Head Over Heels / In Love Again mash-up!
God, it must have been so much fun shooting these and acting out being a Wakefield twin.
For more stuff like this, make sure to follow Double Love’s Instagram and Twitter! Their Insta is amazing; along with cover photographs like the ones above, they routinely post Sweet Valley covers from the editions published outside the U.S. Did you know that Sweet Valley was called “Sun Valley” in France – and that the French version of All Night Long featured Jessica smokin’ a cig on the cover? Hah! And make sure you give their fun & funny podcast a listen too!

Stay tuned because I have some more fun stuff coming up! 🙂 For more cover model discussion, check out my post from May 2020.

Some SVH mentions from vintage copies of ‘TEEN magazine

One effect 2020, which I don’t believe is actually over yet, has had on me is to spark up major nostalgia. This has manifested in my buying a bunch of shit I don’t need, to include teenage fashion magazines from the days of my youth (and earlier). Here, I’ll share with you a few snaps I took of SVH book blurbs and other stuff from late 80s / early 90s ‘TEEN magazines (all released years before I was a ‘TEEN myself). My patience is really low these days, so please forgive the meh quality of these photos.

First up, from the December 1987 issue:

You, too, can be an SVH Super Sleuth!

You might recall in my review for Super Thriller #1 that I mentioned the back of the book advertised an SVH mini-camera, which you could send away for. (I see now that the photo of said ad is missing from that earlier post – WTF? Or maybe I just forgot to upload it to begin with, which I wouldn’t put past 2010-me (or any-year me).) Well, this is a better photo of that camera, anyhow. Let’s get a closer look at this ad:

The top:

The book cover design in this ad doesn’t quite match that of the final. Notice, for one thing, that the word “Super” isn’t as fancy on the final design – I guess they didn’t want to overshadow Liz’s 80s career woman outfit:

Now let’s get a better look at the bottom of this ad:

Not gonna lie, I lowkey want that freakin’ camera!

Next let’s check out the July 1988 issue, which had a “twins” theme. First up, from the occasional “Have You Read?” column, is this blurb for book #44, Pretenses:

Which is definitely overshadowed by this fascinating tidbit:

We get a picture of Francine Pascal’s daughter Jamie (for whom I believe the Sweet Valley Twins ghostwriter alias, Jamie Suzanne, is named), with a prospective Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield. AND we get some insight on the making of the SVH TV show. Apparently, this thing was under development much earlier than I thought. (More on that later, as a copy of the March 1988 issue mentioned above is on its way next.) What I find particularly interesting is that at this point, they were just looking to make a TV movie, not a full series. I’m not sure I knew it started out that way. I am also desperately wanting a close-up shot of that poster on the wall behind Jamie!

The Wakefield twin candidates, Anastasia and Brittney Singletary, were also featured in a twins photo shoot later on in the same issue. They also made the cover (see the small inset pic on the left of the cover, next to the headline “Make-over Moves Made for Two”). What do you think, could they make good Wakefields?

Potential Wakefields on the far left!

Finally, short and sweet, from the Have You Read? column in the May 1990 issue:

I don’t think this little blurb adequately prepares readers for what’s coming!

I’ll keep an eye out for more SVH mentions in these old rags (say I, affectionately), and share any I find. Plus, stay tuned for more info on that early SVH TV movie/show twin search!

Oracle Newsletter Recipe: Crispy Dogs

Hello there everyone. After much delay, which is typical for me, I have finally made the enticing “Crispy Dogs” recipe from Volume I of the Sweet Valley High Fan Club’s occasional newsletter, The Oracle (circa 1994).I thought it would be a fun experiment and a tasty pandemic snack. Wrong on both counts! 

So before we get into that mess, let’s talk about this recipe. It was featured as part of a regular (or semi-regular, since I think they only put out two whole issues of this newsletter) column, called “Treats for the Sweet” and that name bugs the shit out of me for some reason. Liz introduced the recipe with this claim: “Whenever a group of our friends comes over, Jess and I like to make this easy snack.” Well, I’m calling bullshit on literally everything she just said.

Here’s the exact text of the recipe itself, as shared by Liz herself:

CRISPY DOGS

1 lb frankfurters
2 tbsp water
2 tbsp prepared mustard
3/4 to 1 c finely crushed corn chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cut each frankfurter into 4 pieces. In small bowl, combine mustard and water. Dip frankfurters into mustard mixture; coat with chips. Place on baking sheet. Bake 7 to 10 minutes or until hot. Serve hot with toothpicks. Refrigerate leftovers. This recipe makes about 40 snacks. Be sure to ask an adult for help in the kitchen. 

Okay, it’s me again. Every time I read “frankfurters” I heard Tim Curry as Dr. Frank N. Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show saying “Come up to the lab … and see what’s on the slab.” Oh, we’re gonna see all right. Also, since it told me to ask an adult for help in the kitchen I dragged my husband into this. Before we go any further, know that when I saw “corn chips” in this recipe I thought Liz was talking about corn tortilla chips. I have a pandemic-addled brain, okay? It wasn’t until I was actually starting the recipe that I realized she was probably talking about Fritos! Fuck! Oh well, she should’ve just freakin’ said so but she didn’t. On with our meal … please brace yourself, because the Food Network this ain’t.

My husband got to chopping up pretty much the entire pack of hot dogs (Ballparks) while I bagged up some of the chips (Mission Tortilla Rounds) and rolled over them to crush them as best I could. I wound up crushing them a bit more than this photo shows to get rid of any BIG pieces, but stopped short of grinding them into a powder. 

Next, I mixed up the water and mustard like Liz said which struck both me and my husband as pretty odd but like I tried to explain to him, Liz knows everything so it must be right! Since she told us to use prepared mustard, I just grabbed a bottle of French’s out of the fridge. Time to mix up some bright yellow paint!

Time to set up the assembly line! It sounds easy enough; you just roll the hot dong I mean hot dog pieces in your watery mustard mix and then dredge each one in the corn chips.

Mmmm, mustardy!

My patient husband did the dirty work while I kept interrupting to tell him “Wait, I need a photo of this.”

The chips didn’t stick to the hot dog pieces very well and kept sliding off and making big clumps all over the tray. 

The overpowering scent of mustard was in the air. I like mustard and all but …
We baked as suggested and it came out looking basically like what I’m sure you thought it would.

Taste test: It tasted like … you know, hot dogs and mustardy clumps of tortilla chips. Look, I love hot dogs so I felt like I should be saying “not too bad, just needs some improvement” but I actually think this is terrible. The chips come out all soggy and with their crunch diminished by all the mustard they have soaked up. Baking them in the oven doesn’t change that. I don’t think making this with Fritos would’ve made much of a difference in the end result, except that it would’ve tasted like hot dogs and mustardy clumps of Fritos instead. And that’s probably marginally better, if you can actually still taste the Fritos flavor through all that mustard! I probably could’ve crushed the tortilla chips a bit more than I did, but I don’t think that would’ve made a huge difference either. Who tested this recipe before publication?

If LIZ wanted the chips to stick, my assumption is that she could’ve had us pat the hot dogs dry and then use an egg coating rather than mustard. (Maybe the editors feared some kind of outlandish lawsuit if a kid making this ate raw egg, I don’t know) Not only did Liz have us use mustard, she had us MIX it with water. What was that supposed to do? Anyway, I felt sick after eating this regardless and I had to go lay down. My husband was not impressed with the recipe either, but he wound up eating most of it and was not similarly afflicted.

Was it worth it? Yes, of course because now I can continue to reference this disaster every time I make fun of Liz for being a know-it-all in my future reviews!

 

 

 

Sweet Valley High Fan Club: The Oracle Newsletter, Volume II

Have I got a treat for you today! Courtesy of Sweet Valley superfan Jessica Poschel, I am sharing her photos of what I will dramatically call the long-lost second issue of The Oracle newsletter! This is the newsletter Bantam sent out to Sweet Valley High Fan Club members back in 1994. Thank you SO much Jessica; this is like early Christmas for me! And a hat tip to Snark Valley reader F. Musa for tipping me off to this, and the fact that this issue does in fact exist (as I had my doubts!).

If you want to take a look at the first issue of The Oracle, check out my post on that here. Without further ado, on to the second (and last?) issue …

Ta-dah! (I feel like a Wakefield twin saying that)

Overall, the format seems pretty much the same as Volume I. Although this time, the theme color is pink! Once again, we have a theme letter from Elizabeth. Liz promotes the Sweet Valley University series (at that time brand new), as well as the new SVH TV show. A sidebar urges us to pick up SVH #93, Stepsisters.

Page 2

On page 2, there’s a small article attempting to encourage kids to stay optimistic if they have to move to a new place. As part of the prep work for your big move, you’re encouraged to answer a series of questions about what your life would look like if you moved to Sweet Valley. Is this really supposed to help? Isn’t this setting people up for disappointment since everyone knows Sweet Valley is the most perfect place on earth? There are no criminals or rainstorms there unless it’s convenient to the plot. How is any other place supposed to compare? Well, now that I’ve womp womped all over that, let’s look at the questions. If you moved to Sweet Valley, “who would you want to be your best friend?” I pick Lila Fowler because she’s the most interesting and hopefully she’ll take me on some of her whirlwind vacations with her. As long as she doesn’t pull that shit she pulled on Jessica with the kids’ camp in Jamaica, I mean. The other questions ask you to imagine which boyfriend, clubs, teacher, car, house and curfew you would have. I find the last one kind of odd since that’s not something my parents would’ve changed just because we moved, but then again, it kind of feels like the Wakefield twins do pretty much whatever they want and get away with it so …

The awkwardly-named “Treats for the Sweet” feature is back and this time the recipe is for Frozen Pudding Pops. My thing during the COVID-19 pandemic has been whipping up all sorts of random recipes, so I’m absolutely doing this one. Sounds pretty basic. (Say I, right before I manage to make a huge mess in my kitchen.) I never got around to making those “Crispy Dogs” from the first issue so I’m gonna tackle that too whenever I realize it’s been too long since I had indigestion.

“Personal Profiles” is also back, and this time our featured Sweet Valley-an is Todd Wilkins. I can’t help but crack the fuck up that they once again call his eyes “coffee-colored.” Oh excuse me, technically it’s supposed to be Todd filling out his own profile which makes it even funnier. I assume for anyone else that eye color would just read “dark brown” but Todd’s eyes have been special since the beginning and he is not about to let go of that claim to fame. I am also cracking up that Todd described himself as “Kind, sensitive, intelligent!” Yes, with the exclamation point ’cause he’s feeling smart AND fancy!

Jessica’s “Eye for Fashion” column is missing this issue which is a shame because I really wanted to see what kind of dubious tip she might give next. Instead we have an ad for the new SVH dolls followed by a “Dear Sweet Valley U.S.A.” section which is essentially letters to the editor.

Page 3

There’s an interview with Cynthia and Brittany Daniel, the actresses who portrayed the Wakefield twins on the TV show. Cynthia notes that Dangerous Love is her favorite. Next to their interview, there’s a “Sneak Preview” section which gives blurbs for books 106-111. I like how each Jeremy / Sue book blurb essentially spoils the book before it, lol.

Lastly, you get a word search!

Page 4

On the back page, there’s an order form for some Sweet Valley merchandise, plus a Sweet Valley I.Q. Test! (The answers are upside down at the bottom of page 2.) I remember the answers to all of these except #5, although I’m positive I had that book in third grade, and #6, which I never read myself but I think I recall it was Liz fighting this “battle of the bulge.” (Can I just add that I feel really weird they put it that way in a kids’ newsletter?) If there were any justice in the world, it would’ve been Jessica after how she treated Robin Wilson and Lois Waller (and countless other people).

Well, that’s it! All snark aside, that was awesome. Last time I closed my review of issue 1 by saying I didn’t think issue 2 existed, and was delightfully proven wrong. So let me end this one by saying I’m very sure there’s no such thing as the third issue of The Oracle 😉

SVH Celebrity Cover Model Mysteries

From time to time I make a post about who the cover models were for Sweet Valley High books. It’s always fascinating for me to see what obscure jobs folks took before they went on to become big stars. My readers have been a big help with this as well. So while I work toward my next book recap post, I thought I’d give an update on some of what we know so far regarding the original SVH cover models:

Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield: The original model was a truly stunning soap opera actress named Jonna Leigh Stack. I came across this scoop several years ago courtesy of blogger Cliquey Pizza, who was tipped off by her reader Kathleen. I had never heard of this actress before, but there’s just no way it’s not her. Check out this post by blogger Red Lemonade to see lots of photos for comparison – it’s uncanny. (It also looks like Jonna herself left a comment on Red Lemonade’s post confirming this, although the poster’s name is “Unknown.”) The original SVH cover artist, James Mathewuse, did an amazing job capturing Jonna’s likeness. (He’s still in business today, by the way – visit his website here.)

To see a video of Jonna in character as Summer Blake on the soap opera Santa Barbara, try this Facebook link.

Jonna Leigh Stack photo from Red Lemonade; book covers from Goodreads

Annie Whitman: It’s already known that star actress Courteney Cox appeared on multiple young adult book covers over the years, including in color photographs taken for the cover of romance series like Sweet Dreams. There are many, many examples out there & I’ve shown a few below. The belief that Courteney modeled for Annie Whitman’s initial appearance on the cover of Wrong Kind of Girl is one I have heard given as a certainty over the years, but have never heard or seen the actress speaking on the matter. But I absolutely believe it myself, especially when you compare Annie’s hair with Courteney’s hair on the cover of other YA books and with her appearance in the Bruce Springsteen video “Dancing in the Dark.”

Jonna makin’ Courteney cry

Courteney Cox book cover photos from Brin’s Book Blog

(Thanks to Brin’s Book Blog for the above photos of some of Courteney’s other books.)

Lila Fowler: One of my readers once commented that Lila’s early covers look just like a young Jennifer Connelly, the gorgeous brunette movie actress. I hadn’t thought of that before, but since then, I can’t unsee it and can’t believe I didn’t realize this before. I think that’s definitely her. We do know that the future movie star modeled for plenty of covers with color photographs, including Sweet Dreams, etc. In fact, a couple of years ago Jimmy Kimmel brought her on his show and got her reaction to some of those covers. There was no mention of Sweet Valley High, but I’m convinced. I really hope Jennifer mentions SVH some day because Lila is an iconic character.

Jonna and Jennifer face off!

Jennifer Connelly book cover photos from Brin’s Book Blog (Note that the first book is authored by a “Lila” … coincidence? LOL)

Joelle Carter: This actress starred as Ava on the crime drama Justified, which was a favorite of mine. I noticed that Joelle bears a striking resemblance to one of the portraits on the cover of Sweet Valley Saga: The Patmans of Sweet Valley (which I haven’t gotten to yet), and she did indeed model as a teenager, so I think I got one!

Ava Crowder, is that you?

There have been others I’ve noticed but am really not sure of. For example, I think early paintings of Bruce Patman kind of look like Patrick Muldoon, but I could also see where maybe it’s just a model with a strong resemblance. Dana Larson on the cover of In Love with a Prince reminds me of a young Katherine Heigl, who did model as a teenager, but it’s another big “if.” Finally, Dee Dee on the cover of Too Much in Love reminds me of pre-Married … with Children Amanda Bearse, but Amanda was already a movie actress around the time the portrait would’ve been done, so I’m not sure how many book covers she would’ve been doing at that point.

Various other people have been identified as modeling for things here and there beyond SVH; e.g., actress Amanda Seyfried did some cover photographs for some other Francine Pascal books in her pre-Mean Girls days. When the SVH series was (briefly) re-released in 2008, TV and movie actress Levin Ramblin (The Hunger Games, One Tree Hill, soap operas) appeared as the new cover model for everyone’s favorite annoying twins.

Back when SVH still used painted artwork for their covers, it seems that typically, a photo would be taken of the model(s) and the cover artist would then paint the cover off of that. Jennifer Connelly and others have noted that the photographers would tell the models a little bit about the story so that the models can try to get in character. In later years, Bantam seemed to favor more action shots on their cover rather than portraits, so that may be why they started using other cover artists beyond James Mathewuse. Although, if you look at Jimmy’s web page, he’s painted plenty of lovely action shots (Nancy Drew Case Files, anyone)? I have to say, I really miss beautiful book cover art!

Got any more SVH cover model tips? Let’s hear them. 🙂

The World of Sweet Valley: Meet Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield (A free promotional book)

This next book that I’m going to recap is quite a bit different from the others. In truth, I didn’t even know it existed until someone sent it to me several years ago.

As you can see from the cover, this book was a free promotional item handed out with purchase of any book in any Sweet Valley series. It’s not technically a Sweet Valley High book, although that is the series it talks about the most – it was released under the overarching brand “The World of Sweet Valley.” The copyright date is June 1994. The book is surprisingly easy to find online; you can order used copies from various vendors on Amazon.com, for example. Still, I don’t think it’s worth it for any but the most die-hard Sweet Valley fan as this is almost entirely content you can get elsewhere, as I’ll soon explain, since I’m recapping it anyway because it’s what I want to do with my life today.

The cover shows twin art from four of the series running at the time:

• Sweet Valley High (debuted October 1983; twins age 16 and in grade 11)
  • See how they have the twins’ faces in a big neon heart? You could actually get that heart somehow as a light-up wall sign. I saw where someone posted a photo of hers once. When I think about seeing the twins staring down at me from within a glowing wall-heart, I feel frightened.
• Sweet Valley Twins (debuted July 1986; twins age 12 and in grade 6 – something does not compute)
  • At the time this book was released, the series had been renamed “Sweet Valley Twins and Friends” (& I recall hating the new name)
  • The artwork (lower left corner) is from the SVT book The Great Boyfriend Switch
• Sweet Valley Kids (debuted October 1989; twins age 7 and in grade 2)
  • I dislike this artwork, which is not what the twins originally looked like on the covers when the Kids series first debuted.
• Sweet Valley University (debuted September 1993; twins age 18 and college freshmen)
  • The photo is from the first book in the series, College Girls. The cover models are pretty, but they look older than 18 to me.

The book contains samples from all four of these series. Interestingly, there’s no mention of The Unicorn Club, which was a new series out for just 6 months when this book came out. You’d think they’d want to promote the hell out of that!

On the back of the book, there’s a brief letter from Francine Pascal:

The book opens with Elizabeth narrating (of course). She babbles on about herself and her twin, California girls bla bla, then gets into the theme of the excerpts, which is “twin switches”. Oddly, the book doesn’t tell us exactly which book each excerpt is from (or even which series, although that part is obvious for anyone who pays attention). Not sure this is the best way to promote the books to people who are reading this book because the promo attracted them to the series for the first time, but ok.

The first excerpt, from the Kids series, is supposedly how the twin switching “all started.” I don’t recognize this excerpt, but I think it’s from Sweet Valley Kids #16, Jessica the TV Star (1991). Todd’s house is being used to film some kind of TV special. Todd has a bit part and has been asked to find a girl to star with him in the brief clip, so he picks Elizabeth … only Liz is home sick from school that day, so he mistakenly asks Jessica instead. Jessica shows up for filming pretending to be her sister, but can’t handle that Todd has the only speaking part in the clip – answering a phone – and she’s supposed to just sit there, so she tries to grab the phone away from him and they have to keep re-shooting the scene. When Liz comes back to school the next day, she slowly figures out that Jessica is hiding something from her. She rides by Todd’s house on her bike and is surprised to see it packed full of people. It turns out Jessica blabbed about the special to her friends, and now the entire class has shown up to watch. Liz comes in and exposes Jessica’s twin switch to Todd who isn’t thrilled, but the director is delighted that there are twins and re-shoots the scene with both of them. What’s more, he loves how Jessica tried to grab the phone from Todd before, so he incorporates that into the scene – only he has Liz do it this time while Jessica continues to just sit there. Jessica is taught a lesson. Haha, psych! She’ll never learn any lesson.

Jessica introduces the next excerpt by explaining that Liz isn’t the goody-goody everyone thinks she is and that she has just as many faults as everyone else, but is better at hiding them. LOLLLL. The excerpt is from Sweet Valley Twins and Friends #66, The Great Boyfriend Switch (1993) which I remember buying and reading. The story in that book is that Liz is dating Todd and Jessica is dating Aaron Dallas. Then at the Valentine’s Day dance, Jessica abandons Aaron to dance with Bruce Patman, whom she starts kissing in front of everyone. Meanwhile, some biotch named Veronica Brooks is trying to steal Todd from Liz, and doing a great job at it because Liz and Todd are both wimps. Liz and Aaron wind up bonding over their shared misery, then they start kissing and dating. The twins end up outraged at one another, and the excerpt is about how Liz and Jessica independently decide to fix things with Todd and Aaron by impersonating one another at some big party someone is holding. Jessica, posing as Liz, is interrupted mid-make-up with Todd by an angry Veronica, and she confronts Veronica for stealing a locket that Todd had given Liz and they get in a shoving match at the party, which ends with “Liz” flying through a patio door at “Jessica’s” feet. The twins then realize what they were willing to do for one another to fix shit and make up. The plan also works on Todd and Aaron because those dummies are too dim to realize that Liz and Jess have switched, even though each girl keeps accidentally referring to “herself” in the third person, blatantly not acting right, and shit like that. When Todd and Aaron move in to kiss and make up with Liz and Jessica, the girls quickly make excuses and dash off to switch clothes, then run back outside to hook back up with their respective 12-year-old doofus beaus.

The third excerpt is from one of the SVH werewolf books I just recapped, A Date with a Werewolf. Liz introduces it by sheepishly explaining how she fell for Luke Shepherd (and totally glossing that shit over – she puts it as “we became close”). She also says that Joy Singleton’s throat had not only been ripped out, but “chewed on.” Haha, that’s a nasty detail that I am 99.9% positive was not actually in the werewolf books. The excerpt, which I think was altered slightly in the beginning to start less abruptly, covers how Liz impersonated her sister in order to prowl around Pembroke Manor looking for clues.

Finally, Jessica introduces an excerpt from one of the Sweet Valley University books (no clue which one). This is the only one of these four series that I never read any of, but I’ve heard a good amount about it. Basically, Jess and Liz are pledging the Thetas, a sorority that their mother was supposedly part of. (Hippie Alice was part of a sorority?)  Jessica dances with a black man and the president of a fraternity starts giving them shit over it because he’s a racist POS. Liz tells the frat prez off in front of everyone, and then she gets a note from the sorority president telling her she has to apologize to the president for offending him and go on a date with him to prove her loyalty to the Thetas. OK, so the Thetas are obviously garbage, and Liz refuses to do it.  Jessica is so afraid that Liz will get them blackballed that she impersonates Liz and goes on a date to the homecoming football game with racist frat boy, who predictably acts like a douche the entire time. Jessica as Liz even makes an impassioned plea for forgiveness. OMG, this is so gross. Liz skipped the game to study (of course), but Steven and girlfriend Billie are there and they see “Liz” with racist frat boy and are appalled. Steven confronts Liz after the game (which Billie has some kind of problem with because she thinks Steven is acting too much like an overbearing dad or something). Liz quickly realizes it was Jessica and pledges to get back at her. Jessica gleefully informs us that Liz forgave her later on, because she “has to.” And that pretty much sums up one of the main reasons why Jessica never learns.

Next, the book gives us special sneak previews of Elizabeth’s Secret Diary and Jessica’s Secret Diary, two Magna Editions that were released later that year. (It’s almost time for me to recap these.) The main purpose of the diaries is to further our understanding that Liz is a hypocrite and Jessica is a sociopath. Liz’s diary excerpt is about how she cheated on Todd with Ken Matthews when Todd first left for Vermont. I guess I’m supposed to be shocked, but Liz is always cheating on Todd with somebody so … Jessica’s diary excerpt is about how she impersonated Liz to go on a date with Jeffrey. During a romantic stroll on the beach, Jeffrey suddenly realizes “Liz” is Jessica, or that’s the impression Jess has, but he makes out with her anyway and then never breathes a word of the incident to Liz. Nice Jeffrey character assassination! And again, how shocking that Jessica would try to make out with her sister’s boyfriend, because she’s never done it before! The only thing that really raised my eyebrows was that they inserted racier language into these. E.g., Jessica thinks about “ripping off Jeffrey’s clothes.”

Lastly, there’s a Sweet Valley trivia quiz which covers all four series. At the end of the quiz, the book says: “To find out the answers, turn to the next page, hold the page up to a mirror, and read the reflection!” Then you turn the page and the print is just regular facing type and you definitely don’t need a stinkin’ mirror. Editing fail!

In the back of the book: There’s yet another Sweet Valley Fan Club ad, plus a promo advertising four upcoming Christmas books, one in each series.

Coming up next …: Now that we’ve finished our werewolf arc, it’s time for the next thrilling mini-series!

Sweet Valley High Fan Club: The Oracle newsletter, Volume I (circa 1993/4)

I want to thank reader Jen L. for very kindly sending me these awesome images of Volume I of The Oracle newsletter, along with some other photo goodies! Of course, The Oracle was the name of the famous SVH school newspaper, where new staffers mysteriously appear whenever it’s convenient to the plot … and also became the name of the free newsletter that members of the Sweet Valley High Fan Club got back in the day. Let’s take a look at this first issue …

The front page!

Okay, first of all, no surprise to see Elizabeth has written the welcome letter. She invites readers to submit their own writing for publication. Anyone ever gotten published in a future issue of The Oracle? Next, this newsletter directs readers to pick up Teacher Crush to see how Olivia D. handled crushing on her art teacher. Oh yeah, and Olivia handled it real well! Of course, if I were working at Bantam back in the day I would have suggested readers see how Suzanne Devlin “handled” it instead by picking up Too Good to Be True. Handled Mr. Collins, you know what I’m sayin’? LOL!

Page 2 invites you to learn the twins’ secret language which involves sticking the letters “ithig” in the middle of each syllable of each word. You know something, I swear to god that Bantam promoted this funky language all over the place back in the day. It debuted in a Sweet Valley Twins book, Keeping Secrets, in the 1980s and then I think they talked about it again in the SVT Super Summer Book (which I have on a shelf in another room but am way too lazy to just go get up and pull out).

The “Personal Profiles” feature gives facts about Lila Fowler, with the pretty picture of her from her Super Star book. It doesn’t tell us anything about her that we don’t already know, including her favorite ice cream flavor, which we recently learned is Million Dollar Mocha, and that her answer to who her boyfriend is, is “I play the field!” (P.S. I just randomly googled Million Dollar Mocha. It is now the name of a CoverGirl lip shade.)

Next up, a recipe section called “Treats for the Sweet” (huh? random). This issue’s recipe is called “Crispy Dogs” and I’m betting that sounds kinda nasty to some of you! This is supposed to be a snack that Liz and Jess like to make for their friends. It’s basically cut-up hot dogs, coated in a mustard-water mixture and rolled in crushed tortilla chips and then baked in the oven. Is this how these girls keep their “perfect size 6 figures”? You know something, this recipe sounds fucking delicious and I am going to make it. I deserve Crispy Dogs. Don’t judge me.

Then we have this brilliant quote from Todd where he talks about what he likes in a girl, which is basically that the girl be herself. Oh, bullshit, Todd. He says that’s why he likes Liz so much. LOL. Only every time Liz stands up for herself, Todd gets mad! Makes sense!

This page closes with a little feature that looks to be Jessica W.’s monthly fashion column, Eye for Fashion. Jessica’s tip is for you to collect old earrings from your mom, big sister, etc. and use them to “jazz up” your boring clothes. She suggests that you put the clip-on earrings on the lapel of your jacket, wear the stud earrings as pins, and hang dangling earrings on the front of your jacket. Hmmmmm. This could be cute on a denim jacket if done carefully, or ya know, it could wind up looking like a horror show.

On to page 3! It’s kicked off with a Sweet Valley pop quiz, which has questions from the SVT and Sweet Valley Kids series, too. If you get them all right, you’re voted “most intelligent.” If you only get one right, you’re a freshman who has “been spending too much time at the beach” and needs to “read as many Sweet Valley Books as you can.” Get out those wallets, kids!

Probably the longest article in the entire newsletter urges “Sweet Valley Fans Unite!” It tells you how to start your own SVH fan club and urges you to send in photos and details of your club. Get it going, y’all. I’ll bring the Jungle Prom Punch.

Finally, there’s the Super Silly Storyteller which is essentially SVH’s version of Mad Libs, only way more boring unless you want to make it Dirty Mad Libs and fill in filthy words like some of us may have when we were kids. 🙂

The newsletter closes with an interview with Francine Pascal, of course. She promotes the upcoming TV show, and talks about other books she wrote that her kids inspired.

Oh yes, and we have a Sweet Valley High products order form where you can order goodies like a fan club T-shirt, club stationery, club secret treasure box, and club pencil. I think these were all things that came with the original fan club shipments. Speaking of which … here’s the stationery and the treasure box!

OK, that stationery actually looks pretty rad. I wanna take that to a business meeting and just sit down and nonchalantly take notes on it.

Here are some more SVH items from Jen’s collection that you may recall …

Dangerous Love jigsaw puzzle by Milton Bradley! You can pretend you’re reconstructing Liz’s brain!

 

Promo tote from the short-lived SVH reboot

Bookshelf of goodies – I so wish my collection looked this organized

Lastly, Jen sent these pictures of the SVH map with the SVH dolls prominently featured.

Wow, so everything is literally just steps away from everything else, the ocean is in the twins’ backyard, and there’s a snowcapped mountain ski chalet overlooking the perfect little beach. Hmmmm … where’s the Shady Lady, and Betsy Martin’s trash-strewn neighborhood?

Notice that each area on the map has a corresponding set of doll outfits that are supposed to go with it … Born to Shop goes with the mall, etc.

Here are lots of close-ups of the map.

I want to tell Jen thanks again for sending me all of these photos so I could post them for your enjoyment!

Prom Perfect: Moonlight and Roses

What in the heeeeeelllll

Well, I’ve been slow as molasses in wintertime (a favorite expression! Maybe I picked it up from everybody’s favorite anything-not-California-smearing SVH Super Edition Spring Fever) getting up my next review! I promise I’ve been reading that next book (#101, The Boyfriend War), and it is a DOOZY and I hope to have that review up within the next week. In the meantime, here is something short and sweet to tide you over. I managed to get my hands on the last Sweet Valley High doll booklet, Moonlight and Roses, which came with the Prom Perfect boxed set of Elizabeth and Jessica Barbie-like toys, dressed in all their drink spikin’, Jeep wreckin’, boyfriend killin’ finery, OH NO SHE DIDN’TTTTTT. (I am not saying I have had anything to drink this evening, but I am also not saying I have NOT had anything to drink.) My Saturday nights are so weird sometimes. Anyway! For real y’all, did you see that booklet image above? Click on it if you need to enlarge the detail, but I am pretty sure that this booklet is supposed to show the same outfits that Jessica and Elizabeth were wearing in A Night to Remember. Forget what was on the cover of that book – I remember thinking at the time that the outfits on the outside didn’t really look like what was described on the pages inside. Well, the outfits on this booklet’s cover, especially Elizabeth’s, sound much closer! So, that means back in the day, kids could get doll versions of Elizabeth wearing the dress she killed Sam in and Jess in the dress she also killed Sam in! Kinda fucked up, amirite. Oh well, at least the dolls didn’t come with accessories, like a bloodied Prom Queen sash or a big bottle of Everclear with two mini red solo cups.

So, now that I see Liz’s …. get-up … on the cover of this booklet, I think I’m not a fan. I guess Liz’s drank was spiked too heavily and she thought this was an audition for the Swan Lake ballet instead of prom. Jessica looks like a 1990s cruise ship singer with those sequins. Or Dynasty if Dynasty had lasted into the ’90s. There is some kind of ruffly ass bow/flower thing on Jessica’s right shoulder that I am not digging. The skirt is supposed to be full, knee-length and layered with more sequins which I think doesn’t match what was in A Night to Remember, but I am too lazy to go back and look. I think it just said that dress was tight and off-shoulder. Nice touch with the twins sporting matching earrings, although for some reason Liz’s have one extra pearl.

The story in this one is far less interesting than the funky, Pepto Bismol-pink cover. Jessica comes home late for dinner from a prom committee meeting, and the whole family is at the table eating, including Steven. What else would he be doing with himself? It’s not like he’d rather be at college. Steven rags on Jessica a bit and we hear about how Liz made dinner and Jessica and the prom committee have been disorganized and having a hard time picking the prom theme, so they ultimately settled on something “classic” (AKA boring), Moonlight and Roses, where the theme is … candles and shit. Haha, this is way more formal than Jungle Prom. Maybe this prom story really does take place after the Jungle Prom, and the kids learned their lessons to the point they’re just having the most boring-ass prom ever to be safe!

Jessica is hoping to be Prom Queen in this story, of course, but she’s slightly worried Liz might win, even though Liz has shown no interest in the title. LOL, that’s what you think, Jessica.

Jessica reminds Liz that they need to shop for prom dresses, and Liz surprises Jess by saying she already got one when she went shopping with Enid. Later, Liz shows Jess her dress, which is the “deep rose” dress we see on the cover. Jess loves the dress, but Liz says she doesn’t really feel like herself in it. Gee, I wonder where this is going. The next day, Jessica hurries to the mall and shops by herself. Unable to find a dress she likes, she settles on the blue one Liz is wearing on the cover. The night of prom arrives, and the girls are hurriedly getting dressed when they realize they’d each rather be wearing the other’s dress, and they switch! Wooooooooo. The girls get their dates and head off to prom. Of course Todd is Liz’s date, but who is Jessica’s? Oh, it can’t be Sam! We can’t go THERE. In this alternate universe, Jessica’s date is Aaron Dallas. Why do I feel like Aaron is always Jessica’s backup date for everything? (Maybe it’s just ’cause they put those two together in Sweet Valley Twins.) When they get to the prom, Liz proclaims the prom “magical” and says, “We’ll always remember this night.” OH YOU BETCHA YOU WILL, LIZZIE. Better put that Dixie cup down! I guess in this alternate universe, Sam doesn’t exist so this is the nicey-nice prom they should’ve had, in the world where Jessica isn’t a narcissist wreaking destruction everywhere she goes and Liz isn’t the doormat who will always forgive her eventually (even if takes a knife-wielding clone of herself to make her do it).

The book ends with another one of those cop-out questions for the reader: “Will Jessica be voted Prom Queen? Or will Elizabeth win? Maybe both of the twins will be elected … YOU DECIDE!” Oh, we know how this one really ended. I’m not going to decide a different ending than that one, because to be honest it would probably be even worse!

So yeah, that’s that! I gotta get going. Thank you for reading my bizarre musings, and I’ll see you guys in a few days for my review of the next story, which is a good one for summer. 🙂